Seriously people! It amazes me every time I have to have my picture taken! ITS like these extra L.B's just came out of no where just in time for my photo shoot... I am so over it! I remember being little and knowing that I had to wear clothes from Sears(not only because my dad had a discount there) because they offered half sizes... When I went into seventh grade the weight came off and boy if I didn't think I was fat before all the reassurance on how good I looked that year from the women teachers certainly put the nail in the coffin.
All through high school I thought I was fat, good god what I wouldn't do to be that "fat" again. I have been having some stomach issues lately and received the most embarrassing news of my life. I have fat deposits on my liver(which isn't uncommon for overweight people) and my liver and gullbladder aren't working properly because of it... I wanted to crawl in a hole and die. I know I am over weight but hearing someone else bring it up makes me want to cry! So hearing that my weight is now effecting my liver has brought me once again to a crossroads. I am being only as honest as I can here folks. It is like the turn to the left and I succeed to the right failure. Which is easier? This question may seem simple to some but I struggle with it. Do I do the right thing and focus, give up the convenience food, and do for me and not for everyone else? Or do I squeak by for ten days loose ten lbs only to start to feel good and fall straight off the wagon... Its do or die with myself and food. I can not have unhealthy things around. But now there is something different. I have two little ones that look up to me. I often cry to myself wondering when they will figure out that their mom is "fat" Lets be honest people I can't wear full body spanks to cover it, suck it in, or smooth it over forever! I need to realize that it won't happen over night. That everyone that I idolize works hard for their body and are very "dedicated" to their lifestyle. Why can't I get there? Why can't I dedicate myself? Why is it any string of bad emotion that runs through my blood brings me to fill my fists with food....So here is my plan. I succeeded at boot camp prior to getting pregnant with Sawyer. So I am going to start again here in town at the strip mall by Glynners pub. Its BOOTCAMP 3 DAYS A WEEK 5:30 AM for an hour. I am so excited. I need to get moving.. get a jump start and get this weight off for goooood! WHO IS WITH ME! I want to let go off all the baggage and vulnerability that being overweight brings me. I don't want to be the token fat girl anymore! I want to want to sit in front in group shots, not hide behind others, and most of all I want to have a family picture taken. Silly I know but the idea of paying someone to take our photo as a family only to have to hang it on the wall and remind myself of my swollen tickness daily makes me sick. I need to stop hiding and start living... Let the lifestyle change begin one pound at a time! Seriously if you are interested in joining me please email me alisonsaugen@hotmail.com and I can forward you the info! Sorry this wasn't filled with laughter but I need to wear my fat ars on my sleeve!
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