week 1

Week one workouts! I did it... I did it... I DID ITTTTTT! I struggled but I did it. My balance is horrible but it will improve. I only felt like I was going to barf once, thank gawd! I get up at 4:50 am in order to get there by 5:30 am! I feel so refreshed and get sooo much accomplished starting my day that early! Super pumped about that! We have been eating clean all week and I can not believe how good I feel! My kids are oblivious to it when it is fed to them in a smoothly! This morning I had a smoothly with spinach in it and sawyer ate it like it was a snickers! Sheridan shared a smoothly with me tonight and it had avocado, coconut milk, ice, and protein shake in it! SHE loved it!!! Eric is so supportive in everything I do. He asks a lot of questions or analyzes it to the point of annoying the hell out of me but I know he just wants me to do my best and get what will work for me! So I am blessed to have such a great man in my life! I feel like I have come so far in only five days... Last Sunday we were at Ikea and I was soooo afraid I would run into someone I knew feeling such shame in my outer appearance that day. I walked behind a cart, hiding as much as I could, and not able to enjoy myself at all. So this week was so uplifting. The best part is I am doing it with my great friend Pam. So I have a partner in crime. We are there for different reasons but we are there, together. I told Eric we are going to plan our honeymoon. Five years late but we are going. I want so much to get in shape and be able to be in photos. Have I told you that I rarely have my picture taken with my kids because of my shame.. How terrible is that? And if there is one and it is not flattering I delete it. So I can't wait to start taking more pictures and excepting who I am as I continue on this journey.
We are still waiting for B to come home. Wondering where he is tears me up. My mom said that he is more than likely at the house he went to and the girl told me she really wanted a cat and is sooo loved. So I will go with that thought for now. My nights are extremely lonely after I put the babes to bed and Eric slips out the door to work. But another pet just isn't in the cards right now.
I am so exhausted right now I am going to start drooling on myself if I don't get to bed soon! The words of encouragement, visits to the salon, and phone calls have been amazing I appreciate you all so very much! I received an encouraging email from a friend and she left me with this saying. "I am Loved" As I contemplate eating something that I shouldn't I remind myself that I am loved more than I love that food! It has worked so well for me.... I think I am on my way to getting rid of this inner fat kid syndrome and on my way to smaller pant sizes and healthier choices for me first and for everyone else second. I AM LOVED!