Boobs... why do they cause so much drauma..

For years I've hated my boobs. Well since I put on weight I have hated them.  Back in the day when I was skinny I loved them in fact they were one of my best attributes.  They buckle me over, give me killer back pain, and have pushed me to the point of $60 bras that have caused me to suffer great harassment from my co-workers for wearing old lady over the shoulder boulder holders.
But then there is the upside... they have provided nourishment for first year of each of my children's lives. How cool is that? I was the only thing sustaining my children's brain development, eye development, and over all growth allll from my body.  I spent hours upon hours with breast exposed either nursing or pumping almost to the point of craving to have my independence and body back! BUT I loved being blessed with giving my kids something only I could give them...
Three weeks ago my love hate relationship with my boobs threw me into a ruckus.  I found a lump... At first I thought "Oh, never felt that before.. hmmmm must be a clogged duct leftover from nursing.. Ohhhh wait that must have been from my nasty mastitis infection."  So I walked around ignoring it. Pretending it wasn't there.  Then, I found it again.  Only this time it felt different.  And to be honest I was starting to have pain.  A pain that radiates throughout my entire breast.  Yet I pushed it aside thinking it will go away. Another week passed and now it is waking me up at night the pain and the worry.  So I call to make an appointment.  My regular Dr. can't see me so they scramble to find someone that can.  "Ok Mrs. Smith we can get you in today at 4:20!" The receptionist was enthused to find me a spot... I then say "well, ugh 4:20 hmmmm Sawyer will be waking up and we were supposed to meet some friends at the pool can I call you back?" A tiny annoyed voice pops up on the other end of the phone "Mrs. Smith, I think you should take the 4:20!" OK OK OK I will come in!
Long story short... They have found a mass.  I wasn't going to share this with anyone other than family and my close friends. But I think I need to give that push to all my friends that I needed to listen to my body. Being a mom I will drop anything for my kids but with that said I had a hard time scheduling my mamo during Sheridans swimming lessons.  LIKE god forbid if I found time for myself.
So tomorrow I go in. My girlfriend is coming to watch my kids and my other girlfriend is taking Sheridan to swimming lessons. I am giving up control, ugh I hate giving up control. (Thanks so Sue and Leslie for watching my babes!)
So pray, pray, pray for scar tissue... god help me let it be scar tissue.. but with that said I am hitting this head on and encourage you all to love your breasts and do self breast exams... It may save your life.
Blessings to you all.. hold me tomorrow Tuesday at 9 am.. this is all I ask...